Today, little sweetheart, is the sad anniversary of your beloved big brother Jesse's tragic passing.
It happened just a little over a year before I met you and was still so hard to comprehend - you loved and missed him so very much. And although I was not lucky enough to have met dear Jesse, I have
dreamt of him many times, doubtless because he remains so very near us,
even now, nearer than we can imagine - just as you feel so near yourself - and because you and your mom and dad and his dear friend and ours, Noah, have all told me so many wonderful stories of him. You
never stopped telling me, little sweetheart, about Jesse. Just as you told me so many stories of your childhood, of your mom and dad and how very much you loved all of them.
Even before I dreamt of Jesse, I felt I
somehow knew him. And I have dreamt of him, many times. Often, you are there, too. I'm always so grateful when you visit me in dreams, my little sweetheart.
One of the dreams that comes most to mind today is one
where I was in the Richland Road kitchen. Your mom and dad were there and
Jesse too, who was kind of holding court. He was charming and hilarious
and we all were enthralled. Then, you yourself, little sweetheart, came through the swinging door
from the dining room, as if you had simply come downstairs from your
room. I ran to you and gathered you in my arms weeping with joy. I
wouldn’t let go. Jesse lightly teased me until he understood and then he
and your mom explained that everything was okay. We were all together now
forever and nothing could take us away from each other again. It was
okay to let go, really. The room was full of love and I felt like I
wanted to be there forever. And I was.
I think this is something like
what simply is but I just can’t yet quite see. I believe. I believe that you and your brother are so very near but just out of sight of mortal eyes. And that you are eternal and always - that we all are - and that I will find that, find you, on that day when I finally join you.
I love you with all my heart and soul. Forever.
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