June is drawing to a close, little sweetheart, and a flood of memories of our times together is washing over me.
Next month, I know I’ll be thinking especially of our trip with your family up the Oregon coast over the July 4th weekend. And just now, I’m thinking about our first trip to London together.
I was already there and you flew in a few days later, on your way to a wedding later that week down in Bournemouth and then coming back to London to stay on for another week or so, I asked Joy if you could stay there with me and she of course said yes. I’d had her make a set of silver rings for you, the twin to mine, to give to you as soon as you arrived.
And we spent the days together traveling around by Tube and by foot, down to The South Bank to see shows at The National and The Globe, having ice cream and walking hand in hand along the Thames, visiting the Tate and walking over the “Wobbly” bridge to St Paul’s. We went to Covent Garden and got tickets for a show at The Donmar and found the dance studio were you took classes when you lived there after Oxford.
We got late night groceries from the Sainsbury’s and took the train back to Kentish Town where I made dinner and a crumble for you. We slept together on the little trundle bed in the guest room and went for long walks on the Hampstead Heath.
They were some of the best days of my life and one night walking back across Tower Bridge I was so overwhelmed I started to cry. You just held me in your arms and said it was okay, and told me “don’t start missing me, yet - I’m right here”.
Yes, my darling girl, yes. I know you are. I know you are right here, closer than I can even imagine. How I love you! Forever! Forever.
Monday, June 29, 2020
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
It's Summer, Summer
Little sweetheart, it’s crazy hot! It’s still June but it’s been in 90’s almost everyday.
And ya know what? I haven’t even had the a/c on yet! Isn’t that crazy?! You know how much I love a/c. I don’t know why but I’ve kind of stubbornly insisted that I didn’t want to start using a/c until at least July.
I know it seems pretty random but I’ve just been dragging that big old fan along to blow on me wherever I am in the apartment, placing it about 3 feet away, and keeping on doing whatever I’m working on or sitting to have dinner or relax and even when I go to sleep dragging it over close to the bed.
I think once I turn on the a/c it won’t be off for two months, so I guess that’s why I’m toughing it out. At least you wouldn’t be freezing here sitting on the couch with me.
Remember, I got that blue cotton blanket just for you so you could bundle up when I was boiling and needed to a/c but it was making your teeth chatter? It’s still here ready for you.
Just like me - still here and waiting for you to take me home. With all my love, forever.
And ya know what? I haven’t even had the a/c on yet! Isn’t that crazy?! You know how much I love a/c. I don’t know why but I’ve kind of stubbornly insisted that I didn’t want to start using a/c until at least July.
I know it seems pretty random but I’ve just been dragging that big old fan along to blow on me wherever I am in the apartment, placing it about 3 feet away, and keeping on doing whatever I’m working on or sitting to have dinner or relax and even when I go to sleep dragging it over close to the bed.
I think once I turn on the a/c it won’t be off for two months, so I guess that’s why I’m toughing it out. At least you wouldn’t be freezing here sitting on the couch with me.
Remember, I got that blue cotton blanket just for you so you could bundle up when I was boiling and needed to a/c but it was making your teeth chatter? It’s still here ready for you.
Just like me - still here and waiting for you to take me home. With all my love, forever.
Sunday, June 21, 2020
Again!
Little sweetheart, I saw you again last night! Two nights in a row you’ve been in my dreams. Thank you!
Last night was different from the night before - which was lovely but also a bit comical as we were in each other’s arms but people kept turning up and we kept gathering others and fleeing to yet another location just to repeat the same intrusion and seeking privacy yet again. Like I say, it was lovely and visceral but a bit of comedy, even so.
Last night was more pragmatic, you were helping me work through things, telling me to keep talking to you and letting you know everything that bothered me so you could hear and understand and help me sort things out, together.
Two nights in a row, little sweetheart, I’ve been so blessed. You’re really doing your best to get me back on track. Thank you, my love. I feel so happy and close to you!
Last night was different from the night before - which was lovely but also a bit comical as we were in each other’s arms but people kept turning up and we kept gathering others and fleeing to yet another location just to repeat the same intrusion and seeking privacy yet again. Like I say, it was lovely and visceral but a bit of comedy, even so.
Last night was more pragmatic, you were helping me work through things, telling me to keep talking to you and letting you know everything that bothered me so you could hear and understand and help me sort things out, together.
Two nights in a row, little sweetheart, I’ve been so blessed. You’re really doing your best to get me back on track. Thank you, my love. I feel so happy and close to you!
Saturday, June 20, 2020
Always A Good Sign
I’m trying to do better, little sweetheart. This long lockdown found me barely leaving the house for almost three months, just going around the corner maybe twice a week for groceries. As things have eased slightly, I’ve been starting up first with longer walks and now also trying to get back to running.
A lot of things went missing from a healthier routine during this time and I’ve found myself not feeling too well in general. Getting back, mindfully, into a better space, a better routine, better days, I was blessed last night by a visit from you in dreams.
I always know I’m on a better track when you appear to me and last night was especially wonderful, as we were very in synch and together, indeed quite intimate, if that’s not too saucy to mention. I felt so close to you my little sweetheart, and that means the world to me.
Thank you for helping and guiding me. I love you so very much, love you forever.
A lot of things went missing from a healthier routine during this time and I’ve found myself not feeling too well in general. Getting back, mindfully, into a better space, a better routine, better days, I was blessed last night by a visit from you in dreams.
I always know I’m on a better track when you appear to me and last night was especially wonderful, as we were very in synch and together, indeed quite intimate, if that’s not too saucy to mention. I felt so close to you my little sweetheart, and that means the world to me.
Thank you for helping and guiding me. I love you so very much, love you forever.
Sunday, June 14, 2020
June 14th
Little sweetheart, it’s Flag Day.
Such a random little holiday I know but I always think of it just about being the mid point of the year. And of course I wrote that song of the same title about the very thing that first year I was out in the Bay Area trying to find work and be closer to you, geographically. I always wear my Black Flag tee on June 14th and I did today.
Of course, as ever, you are in my every thought. The last video we did - even though we’ve more recent songs from Til Morning - is the one for Flag Day, the Summer Dream version with your vocals way out front. We released it on your birthday last year. I’ve been watching it tonight, so I’ll put it up here, as well.
It’s actually just about your half birthday (May 13th, to be exact) so maybe that makes it extra appropriate. I love you!
Such a random little holiday I know but I always think of it just about being the mid point of the year. And of course I wrote that song of the same title about the very thing that first year I was out in the Bay Area trying to find work and be closer to you, geographically. I always wear my Black Flag tee on June 14th and I did today.
Of course, as ever, you are in my every thought. The last video we did - even though we’ve more recent songs from Til Morning - is the one for Flag Day, the Summer Dream version with your vocals way out front. We released it on your birthday last year. I’ve been watching it tonight, so I’ll put it up here, as well.
It’s actually just about your half birthday (May 13th, to be exact) so maybe that makes it extra appropriate. I love you!
Thursday, June 11, 2020
With A Heart Full of Longing And Love
Little sweetheart, I’m doing one thing after another tonight that brings
you near.
Just finished mixing one of the songs for the new album, your voice soaring above all. Then found a YouTube video of a forum at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard about the West Wing and burst into tears as they played the theme song, my first thought of your enduring goodness.
As I was thinking about that and how I’d like to express it maybe as the caption to the big photo of you inside the CD, someone said something that suddenly made me think about the song “Leaving on a Jet Plane”.
Little sweetheart, that was one of my mom’s favorite songs and everything came to me in that moment- all the loss and my love for you.
“Every place I go, I’ll think of you
Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you
When I come back, I’ll wear your wedding ring”.
The song is written by John Denver, but the version my mom loved was the one by Peter, Paul and Mary, and afternoon that last line that Mary Traverse sings, they repeat, almost plaintively shouting in the background, “I’ll wear your ring!”
Oh my little sweetheart, I’m weeping as I write this. I miss you so! Please please please help and guide and take me to you as soon as heaven will allow. Love forever.
Just finished mixing one of the songs for the new album, your voice soaring above all. Then found a YouTube video of a forum at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard about the West Wing and burst into tears as they played the theme song, my first thought of your enduring goodness.
As I was thinking about that and how I’d like to express it maybe as the caption to the big photo of you inside the CD, someone said something that suddenly made me think about the song “Leaving on a Jet Plane”.
Little sweetheart, that was one of my mom’s favorite songs and everything came to me in that moment- all the loss and my love for you.
“Every place I go, I’ll think of you
Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you
When I come back, I’ll wear your wedding ring”.
The song is written by John Denver, but the version my mom loved was the one by Peter, Paul and Mary, and afternoon that last line that Mary Traverse sings, they repeat, almost plaintively shouting in the background, “I’ll wear your ring!”
Oh my little sweetheart, I’m weeping as I write this. I miss you so! Please please please help and guide and take me to you as soon as heaven will allow. Love forever.
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