Brideshead

After texting your parents and releasing the new video on your birthday today, little sweetheart, I haven't really known what to do with myself. I certainly have a lot of work to do - writing our book and working on the next BPX album. 

Tonight, after a while, I've found myself beginning to watch one of our "stories". 

How well I remember that that's what you called movies and premium serial television in our wonderful days in tandem. In those pre-streaming times, we would procure DVDs from Netflix (arriving in the mail most days in their iconic red envelopes) or one of our favorite video stores in NYC, SF or Davis. You told me that it was important to you to "end the day watching a story with my partner". I was so grateful to called yours! 

One of our favorites was a BBC series we stumbled upon at that great old video store here in NYC, in Chelsea, Alan's Alley. I think he fell half in love with you the very first time we visited the story! He always wanted to suggest something he thought we might like and one night he pointed us to "Brideshead Revisited"  - the 1981 BBC mini-series based on Evelyn Waugh's 1945 novel, starring Jeremy Irons (one of your favorite actors). We took the first disc home and loved it! So, I ran down every day or two to return it and get another. I loved how much you liked it and I loved watching it with you. 

I bought the box set a few years ago and tonight seemed right to watch it again. As usual, you gave me the answer! 

Thank you, my little sweetheart! Thinking of you now and always. Happy Birthday! Love you forever. 

Hold My Soul

Here's the new video we released today in honor of your birthday, little sweetheart. It's for "Hold My Soul" from our 12th album, Memories of the Sky. Happy Birthday! Love you forever. 

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, my little sweetheart! Thinking of you, as always, and remembering the wonderful times we had together on three of your birthdays:

The first in Boston when you were doing Rock n Roll at The Huntington. The next in San Francisco when I spent the week gathering presents for you including your main gift (surprising you with a pair of long feathered earrings we'd seen together at Needles & Pens, in The Mission) and in 2010 when I took you to the hot springs in Calistoga (picture from our dinner there that night below!). 

I stayed up late last night working on a new Bipolar Explorer video that we released this morning in your honor. It's on our YouTube channel. 

I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday, little sweetheart! 

Always Something There to Remind Me

Little sweetheart, I think you were always rolling your eyes over how sentimental I could be about things, especially movies that made me think of you, of us. 

Tonight, again, MGM+ is airing "Almost Famous", which I often associate with you, even though I'm not sure we ever watched it together! What I most recall was those several months when I was living out in Marin with Chris & Sheri - so close to you but so far away, too. We saw each other often and spoke each day but I longed for you every night we were apart - only across the bay for once instead of across a continent, but still! 

Often, in the little guest room where I slept, I would watch episodes of The West Wing - you'd lent me the Serafin family DVD set of Season 1-4 from the family DVD collection in Davis - but I'd often end the night watching clips of "Almost Famous" in particular the one where they all sing on the bus. Where William says to Penny, what I knew so deeply in my heart.

W: I have to go home.

P: You are home. 

You are my treasure. And I love you forever.

Those Cookies We Like!

Remember those cookies we liked so much, little sweetheart? We used to get a package of them at Safeway, over by the Marina, and then drive over to a lookout point, maybe near Ocean Beach and watch the surf and eat the cookies in the front seat of your car. 

They're almost like little pieces of white layer cake-  soft and chewy, and the frosting is always decorative for whatever holiday is near. Sometimes we'd get them in pink and red for Valentines Day or in green with shamrocks for St Paddy's. 

Well, I've got some and am having one (or two) for lunch dessert with my coffee right now and thinking of you! D'agostino's is a little NYC grocery chain and they do a few things like Safeway, incredibly. They have that charming little "thunderstorm" effect in the produce section that periodically waters the vegetables adding a little SFX of a thunderclap (in SF, Safeway also had a little flashing white light approximating lightning, too). And they have these cookies on some holidays. These ones are for Halloween, of course and have orange frosting with yellow and white sprinkles. Saving one for you! 

With all my love...

Halloween Eve

I've been working all night, little sweetheart, but just settling in to watch one of our favorite movies - "Let The Right One In", just now. It's a vampire movie and so kinda a Halloween one - your second favorite holiday after Christmas, I think - and I know few people agree with me but I also think of it as being a love story. Partly because you and I saw it for the first time together on your bed and also because it underlines my own journey - being found and saved by you. I'll be thinking of you tonight as I am always. I love you so and forever.

700 pages

Little sweetheart, I know it's taking forever and that I've terribly remiss in keeping up this page but the book is still coming along. I'm far from done but I'm about to hit page 700 and I think I'm going to print what I have (and still continue, of course) because it seems like an important milestone. It 's coming, baby. And you are always in my every thought and prayers, my heart and soul. Love you forever.

More Dreams of You

We had such a lovely time, my little sweetheart, in a dream I had of you just before I woke this morning. It was one of the blessed ones where nothing had ever gone wrong and we were just together going about our day, driving your Prius over to the market, listening to our music on your iPod (!), picking up everything on your shopping list and a few treats - cheese you wanted to try and gingersnaps for me. I know you are closer than I can imagine and I love you forever!

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 8

On our last day in Ireland, little sweetheart, after we left dear Kilcrohane, beginning our drive back down the coast to Cork City, we made a couple of notable stops. 

Perhaps the most special was dropping in at the shrine in Gougane Barra. It's a beautiful scenic valley and heritage site (like a National Park) in the Shehy Mountains. It's at the source of the River Lee and there's an amazing forest and lake surrounding it. It's a very sacred site, too, with meditation caves the monks used to inhabit in prayer, a beautiful chapel (which is an not infrequent wedding destination!) an ancient graveyard and a beautiful charming inn. You were enraptured by the place and wanted desperately for us to return in the spring and stay there for a night or two. 

After walking all around the island for more than an hour, you made a beeline for the inn and we chatted with the lady at the desk, who gave us some brochures and all the info to make reservations. We had it all planned for next June. Sigh... 

Here you are in the chapel itself where we lit a candle together. How I love you! I'm so glad we got to have this trip together, little sweetheart! 

 

 

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 7

There's a little picnic spot at the mouth of the trail that leads down to the end of the Sheep's Head. We found ourselves down there just as the sun was beginning to set one day and I took this snap of you looking gorgeous, as always, against the amazing Irish sky! 

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 6

If we walked straight out across the field from the little cottage we were renting, little sweetheart, there were rolling hills and a wonderful little hiking path. One warm afternoon we ventured out that way and a little Jack Russell terrier suddenly appeared, befriending us and jogging along in front, turning around periodically to make sure we were following him. We had a private tour guide and a friend for life! He led us to this spot where we took a quick picture!

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 5

The biggest town around is a place called Bantry, little sweetheart. In the height of tourist season it's quite bustling but it's also really lovely when it's rather quiet. 

The best place to eat in town is a charming old pub called The Snug. Kris & I had been there many times and could only ever get a seat at the bar because it was so popular, every last table always taken. This night we drove out there and had the place almost completely to ourselves. You loved the food (as this picture will attest!). 

And after a long, leisurely dinner, when we strolled back into the night, Bantry Bay was filled with swans! It's was a magical evening! 

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 4

At the very end of the Sheep's Head, there's a lighthouse. We made it all the there one afternoon on foot. It's a bit treacherous and rocky and there's a guardrail with a sign saying "Do Not Cross". But never one for the rules and seeing a nice little perch to look out over the horizon, you, of course, little sweetheart climbed right over and sat down on the steps, beckoning me to join you - which, I did! 

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 3

We went for one of our epic walks all the way out to edge of peninsula. Here we are - that's the Atlantic Ocean behind us!

 

 

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 2

We had a wonderful time traveling with our London friends, Kris & Joy, and it was lovely to reconnect with a few of the locals in Kilcrohane who were dear friends of ours, too. Here we are with Kris & Joy and Johnny, who had invited us over to his house - we all went for a drink at Eileen's pub later, here in the village square.

Our Trip to Ireland, pt 1

This week is the anniversary of our lovely trip together to Ireland, little sweetheart! I'll post a few photos over the next few days to remember, okay? This first one I took of you down in Doneen Pier where we discovered a little stone stairway - a secret landing place for small boats! You're posing like a red headed mermaid just emerging from the watery depths! Love you forever.

The Work and the Love Goes On!

Little sweetheart, I feel sad and disappointed in myself that I have not been posting here as regularly as I used to do. But don't imagine for a minute that you are not in my every thought because you are! One thing that has happened of late is that I have been made much more progress in writing our book. Every day that I have not posted here I have been telling our story in the Summerlove book as it grows to some great length (it's well over 700 pages at the moment). Our music goes forward, too. I'm working on our 13th album right now. All this to say that there's so much to say! I hope and will endeavor to return to this page more often through the autumn, as I also hope to keep pushing through with the book and our next album. I love you with all my heart and forever.

A Visitation

Little sweetheart, we were invited of late to contribute a track and some words to a really wonderful program in Italy - Silent Radio. Its host, Tiberio Faedi, has become a dear friend and advocate of ours - he interviewed me a year or two ago and has devoted a couple of full two hour editions of his show to our most recent albums, In The Hours Left Until Dawn and Memories of the Sky. 

Anyway, the show takes a hiatus from early August until early in the fall and he invites guests as part of each season's finale. We were on with a track from Memories of the Sky, "Hold My Soul", and I said a few words of introduction, largely about you, of course, at the top. Later, a listener in Mexico City wrote to me to say this:

"Ciao Michael, I don’t want to sound weird, but I just wanted to tell you that while you were remembering Summer on silent radio, a hummingbird flew into my office. And the amazing thing is that here in Mexico City it’s the rainy season, so you usually don’t see them at all until September. I find it amazing. Sending hugs, and thank you for your music"

You are my miracle girl, little sweetheart, and always will be. 

On Good Friday

Little sweetheart, it's Good Friday. I think of you so much all of time, of course, but Holy Week is an occasion that helps bring focus to my faith and knowing that you will find me soon and forever. A few years ago I was invited to compose and deliver remarks for a Good Friday service at West End Collegiate in NYC. The church actually recorded the service and those remarks - very much about you - are below. With all my love my forever. 

On This Day and Every Day

 Thinking of you on this day and every day, my little sweetheart. With all my love forever. 

 

February 14th. Again.

It's Valentines Day, little sweetheart. I sent you and your mom flowers like I do every year. I wrote this morning - I'm at a part in the book where you and I just went to Shakespeare in the Park one warm August night. I went for a run. 

A week or so ago, I thought to buy a couple of CDs of DCfC. They were, of course, one of the most important bands to us and we discovered them together. I remember all that music and had it in mp3's on my old laptop. It's been impossible for me to listen to them for years, little sweetheart, because I just start weeping, longing for you. Ben Gibbard wrote the theme song to a new show that's on Apple TV - "Shrinking" - and the first time I heard his voice I started crying. That was just three weeks ago, so I should've known.  

Anyway, I put on one of the albums, Plans, tonight. And it sure hasn't changed. I cried and cried and I've barely pulled myself together enough to write this to you, now. 

I remember that you had such a sense of your own mortality having grown up with Type 1 diabetes. And that even after your surgeries, just months before we met and fell in love, that you still thought you would pass before me. I remember you telling me once - in your famous blue Prius, en route to Andronico's on a grocery run - that you wanted me to speak at your funeral and to listen to our music and remember you. I started crying when you said that and between sobs. whimpered "but I don't want you to die before me". You reached for my hand and quieted me down until you could pull into the parking lot and hold me. 

As for what you asked - I did, of course and incredibly, manage to speak at your memorial but the second thing is still very hard, little sweetheart. And it's tricky - some of the lyrics are almost prescient. That's probably why you loved them. 

My heart is full tonight, little sweetheart. Breaking but also grateful. God, how I love you. Forever.    

The Beatles

Watching something tonight, little sweetheart, about The Beatles and remembering that shortly after we first met - during rehearsals for Tir na nOg at The Magic in San Francisco - that I happened to mention that I liked The Beatles. The next day you came to rehearsal with your box set DVD copy of The Beatles Anthology. Most people, including me, had only seen the vastly edited US version of it on TV. It was an incredibly lovely thing to do. 

And a couple weeks later, when you invited everyone to your apartment for a party - your wonderful "Cupcakes & Cocktails" party - you made me feel so at home. I was a little upset with the cast because most of then didn't show up and you had gone to such trouble, but you looked after me. I didn't drink then but you poured me a glass of milk (!) and served me some amazing cupcakes and sat down on the couch with me all night, kind of carving out a little space for you & I. And you put The Beatles on the stereo and kept them on because you knew we both liked them. 

When it was time to leave, because the theatre was putting me up way across town, I was borrowing a car, and I didn't know my way around, you gave me your GPS device. You'd already led me into your underground parking space and now you made sure I got safely home. Once I did arrive back in Bernal Heights, you texted me - one of our first texts -  to say that you'd meant to send me home with more cupcakes and that you'd baked the chocolate ones especially for me. It was our beginning. 

Thinking of all that tonight and saying our prayer. Love you forever.  

Something I Saw Today

Little sweetheart, I saw a lovely piece of writing today. Science-based but also faith-assuring, I think it's for us both: 

"For the rest, Science tell us that nothing ever dies but only changes. That time itself does not pass but curves around us. And that the past and the future are together at our side forever.  

Good Things

Little sweetheart, we're going through a pretty rough time just now in the mortal sphere. But I'm trying my best to keep positive. I'm working on our book and our music, of course, and today I went for a run. 

I try to run most week days but it's been bitterly cold and windy here. I think I only got out Monday and Friday last week. But I went today and two blessings struck me: 

I saw and heard and tree full of sparrows - perhaps 40 of them - all in song. And, two - hours later, my thighs ached in just the right way. It made me feel strong. 

I love you. 

Be Kind

There's a line from The Newsroom, Will is defending Maggie and he says "if what happened to her happened to you, you'd sit alone in a room and cry forever."

I think I may not be the only one who needs to remember that when finding it impossible to work, overwhelmed, and also feeling guilty about not getting enough done.

We need to remember to be kind - especially to ourselves. 

I know you'd tell me that, wouldn't you, little sweetheart? I suspect you just did - whispering the notion in my ear and making me think of it.

 

Love you forever. 

Another New Year

It’s another New Year, little sweetheart. I miss you more than ever. And I’ll endeavor to do my best, to keep trying, to be better, to honor and remember and find you here and everywhere. To listen - for I know that if I do you will find me. Isn’t that right, little sweetheart?