Each Song A Prayer

Sometimes after we finish an album, little sweetheart, I don’t pick up a guitar for weeks but tonight I did. Instead of the very specific concentration on overdubs, which was where I was at - writing, playing and recording guitar and other parts for the new songs - I just powered up and played whatever came to mind, not necessarily any of the songs from the new album. 

I think I’ve said this before, little sweetheart, that playing and singing the songs I write for, especially when I revisit one or two that I haven’t played in a while, is a very intense and emotional experience, very much like prayer. I cried and cried as I played some of them tonight, little sweetheart. And that is as it should be. 

How very much I love and long for you. With all my heart. 

The Winter Solstice

 

Tonight is the Winter Solstice, little sweetheart - the longest night of the year. It’s been a thing with me for a while, I guess. As you’ll remember - because you were in one of the casts! - my play, Seven Pages Unsigned, is set on the night of the Winter Solstice. 

When I was a good deal younger than I am now, little sweetheart, I think I used to enjoy the night - not just this night, but night itself - much more than I do now. I even rather liked cloudy, sunless days. But I’ve found that I’ve grown much more photosensitive. I really need and long for the light. 

That’s both a literal statement of fact and simultaneously the more poetic one - I miss and long for the light that is you. The light you brought into my life. 

Anyway, the thing about the Winter Solstice is that every day now until the Summer one (quite appropriately), the days will grow longer, the light come earlier and stay later. Something to look forward to, yes, little sweetheart? 

With all my love…

Nov 2 - All Soul's Day

Today is All Soul’s Day, little sweetheart. The twin of yesterday’s observation of All Saint’s Day. 

Both because of the pandemic and because of other changes in leadership, I don’t really have a church to go to in person to observe the day. But I have found some very beautiful and meaningful services online. 

I think my favorites are those from Trinity Church all the way down at the bottom of the island, near the World Trade Center memorial. Trinity Wall Street, it’s sometimes called. It’s one of the oldest churches in New York and has really thoughtful, beautiful services. An old friend of mine from DC actually works as a church administrator there, so perhaps I’ll go in person, someday. 

And I’ve just begun to know of a much smaller little church, somewhat closer to home - in the East 60’s - called the du Saint-Esprit, a French church where they hold Taize services. Taize is that French traditional candlelight meditation service that I used to attend at West End. Saint-Esprit holds Taize on Thursdays and I think I may go to one soon. 

Regardless, my little sweetheart, I am in prayer and meditation today, thinking of and longing for you with all my heart and soul.  

For Sore Eyes...

Little sweetheart, I had to replace our DVD player. It was doing something weird where the audio connection was a making a loud hum the moment you selected it as a input on the tv. I tried switching out the cables but it still made that hum. It would get a little quieter once a movie was running but then grow louder in a quiet scene. Gah!

Anyway, they’re not super expensive these days, so I got a new one, just to see if the sound improved and it did instantly.

Tonight, I thought I’d use it for the first time. I had a whole queue of DVDs I had been thinking about watching around my birthday but you may be surprised that I didn’t choose a Bergman film or Eric Rohmer or something arty like usual. I chose that old Steve McQueen movie, “Bullitt”.

Your dad really likes it. We talked about it not long ago when it was on TCM. But I think I wanted too see San Francisco, honestly, little sweetheart.

I think that’s what was calling me. There’s the whole famous car chase - the first of its kind - through the streets and across the bridge, but the parts I like the most are when he’s just walking along in his neighborhood - his apartment’s at Taylor and Clay - stopping by the corner grocery and picking up a few things along with a half dozen frozen tv dinners.
 

It reminds me so much our time in the Inner Sunset. The movie came out in 1968 and you and I were there thirty years later but its look is blessedly unchanged. Just iconic.

I just needed to see it. And think of you…

Christmas Afternoon

Little sweetheart, I sure am missing you today. 

Thinking, as I often do, about our beautiful last Christmas together at your folks’ house. The wonderful gift they gave me as you sat beside me on the sofa. 

Unwrapping it, I could see it was in a box, kind of like one a pocket watch would come in. When I opened it, I discovered it was actually a silver compass with engraving on the opposite said. It said exactly what you father said to me as the two of them looked on - “so you can always find us”. 

I burst into tears, little sweetheart, at this incredible kindness and you held me in your arms. 

How I love you! How I love forever, my little sweetheart. Forever! Happy Christmas, Summer.