Lost...

Weeping for hours tonight and just saying, "I need you, I need my sweetheart, I need to talk to my little sweetie, please, please..." Life is nothing without you. I miss you and only want to die, myself. Please come for me, Summer. My pretty girl. My True Love. My Best Best Friend. My everything. Love you forever...

Missing...

A friend told me today that in French, you don’t really say “I miss you.” You say “tu me manques,” which is closer to “you are missing from me" Perfect. “You are missing from me.” You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you. Yes. Exactly right. You are missing from me, my little sweetheart. Love you forever.

Too Scared to Live in a World Without Her...

When Summer was 14 she played Dorothy in a famous production of "The Wizard of Oz" at Chico Light Opera. Local Wunderkind Coy Middlebrook directed it and he was essentially a member of the Serafin family from that day on. There are some stills from that production but sadly, no recordings, video or audio. Summer always promised she would sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" for me one day. It's another one of those things that we just never got to have. Although one day we went for an epically long walk through Golden Gate park, stopping at the windmill and then on to dinner at a beautiful place overlooking the ocean. There was a little trio playing and at one point they had an instrumental go at the song. Sitting across from Summer, I took her hand and my eyes filled with tears... I've been thinking all day of something from Summer's memorial. Coy organized and emceed it. And he and the two men who had played the Scarecrow and The Cowardly Lion wrote a short scene which they performed. It found them breaking the news to each other, as it finally reached Oz, that Dorothy had died. The Lion says, at one point that he's "too scared to live in a world without Dorothy." That is exactly as I've felt all day. Not just sick with grief, not just trembling with loss, but scared. Too scared to live in a world without Summer. I guess I'll just have a quiet night and try to sleep and maybe tomorrow will be better. Probably not but what else can I do, sweetheart, right? Until that day. Until that day. 

I have awoken a thousand mornings weeping, yanked out of a dream where we were once again together, only to find another day in this lonely world without you.