Of, For and About - You!

Little sweetheart, someone was talking to me the other day about that little documentary we did last year about the making of our album Til Morning Is Nigh. I’m pretty sure I’ve written a little bit about it within these pages, probably at the time of its release last fall.

What this person said though was very nice because he was particularly struck by the Part Six, in which I speak at some length about you. So, I actually watched it last night for the first time, I think, since we filmed it. It’s here below.

As always, you are so very much in my every thought. With all my love.

Upon This Therme

Little sweetheart, surely I’ve said this before within these pages and further echoing what I said the other day about your enduring goodness, I must repeat it here.

The news is so troubling. I can’t avoid it entirely and it is of some import to know a bit of what’s going on but to also know when to stop taking in so much awfulness because it can drive one to despair.

So, to your goodness and… watching The West Wing.

Some might think that’s an obvious haven, a somewhat utopian vision of a good government to retreat to in fiction when the real life one we’re having to endure is as reprehensible as it is. But I have a deeper connection because you gave it to me, You brought West Wing to me, famously lending me the Serafin box set of the first four seasons and proudly telling your mother you had done just that. Just hearing the theme sing each night brings me to tears because it so perfect conjures you and, as I say in a ringing refrain - your enduring goodness. How I love you!

Please help and guide me today and every day, little sweetheart.

With all my love forever.

Finding Goodness

Little sweetheart, a couple of awful events have transpired over the last couple of days here across the country, which was already in the midst of a global pandemic. The murder of a black man by police officers in Minnesota, the most shocking of them, protestors, including myself, have taken to the streets, as I know you yourself would be moved to do.

And it’s made me remember, as ever, your beautiful, thoughtful, parents, who  - half our age at the time, your mother not even yet 20 - took the streets themselves after hearing of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The news reaching them on campus at UCLA, your mom and dad immediately decided to hitchhike to Memphis, where Dr King had been murdered, and then on to Atlanta where his funeral was held. I think they twenty bucks between them, but they just set off east because they were compelled to do so.

Whenever I think of you, little sweetheart, the first thing that always comes to mind is your enduring goodness. And when I think of your lovely parents, I understand in part, how they helped instill and foster that very goodness in you.

I love you so very much and you, as ever, in my every thought.

In Dreams This Morning!

A wonderful dream of you last night and into this morning before I woke, little sweetheart.

I was with your folks but in a different house than any of the ones I know. I was in a room upstairs and, perhaps it was your room. You weren't there just at the moment but had called me on the phone. You told me that you missed me so very much and that you wanted us to get married. You told me to tell your dad, so we could get it all planned and begun.

I was so happy, little sweetheart, and I told you so. That's all I ever wanted in the whole world!, I said to you and I began to weep with joy, telling you also, that it had been so long since I had felt like this - the love for you that would wash over and overwhelm me when I looked into your eyes. I felt everything as I did when I was at your side and it made so clear how extraordinary you are.

Thank you for visiting me in sleep, my love. It will help me as this new day unfolds. Let me, as you said so presciently and beautifully, carry it with me.

With all my love forever.

On This Day - Mom

My little sweetheart, within the next 24 hours is the tenth anniversary of my mother’s death. We don’t quite know exactly, because my brother found her after her fall and we don’t quite know when it happened.

When the news of it came, it was a late Sunday night going into Monday morning. I was in London, excited to begin rehearsals for a play of ours - one that you and I were hoping to do together at Seattle Rep.  I had been texting my director, our friend, Wilson Milam, with notes and rewrites well past midnight after which I finally went to bed.

My laptop was nearby playing music and still restless around 4am, I reached over to check email. My brother had written in all caps “EMERGENCY. YOU MUST COME HOME”. I was puzzled to say the least. I wrote back to say I was in London and was mom okay and he replied “NO. COME HOME.”

You know the rest, little sweetheart. I’ll write more later but I'm remembering just now how I called you once I had the actual confirmation. I was alone. I was staying at Kris & Joy's in Northern London but they were in Wales at the farm. I didn't even know how to dial out international on the landline. I had to wake them to find out.

The first call after that, I made to you in San Francisco. I told you and you burst into tears and then began helping me through every single step for a week. You got me on a flight back to NYC and then Detroit. You flew yourself there and brought my suit. You slept in the airport waiting for my flight. You took me into your arms and helped me through every moment. You took me by the hand and over and over that entire week every night to remind me that you were the love of my life and that I was still alive with something, the most Important thing to live for - you.

It’s that day, today, little sweetheart. And I am so grateful and miss you so very much. Oh my dear dear True Love. Take me home, soon, won’t you?

With all my love.

Note To Self

Every time I write for you, to you, about you, little sweetheart, I feel better. I often wake so very sad. It often takes hours for me to turn the corner on the day and get things done. But whenever I sit down and talk to you by picking up a pen or banging away at this very keyboard, remembering and calling to you, I feel better.

It's such a simple thing and I can even hear you saying "silly, of course it helps you!". I just need to remember in those darker moments, little sweetheart. To let the storm pass and to find you again. Over and over. Forever. Until That Day.

With all my love.

Before I Go

Tonight, little sweetheart, like so many nights, my heart is full. I say a prayer before I lay me down and not just again when I rise, but through the night, as I stir. As with everything, every breath, it is for you. How I love you! Please be near me tonight and always until you may take me to you. With all my love forever.