Solemn Vow

Little sweetheart, packed and dressed and nervously waiting to head out, I'm thinking of all we've been through. All of it. Not only but also just this year with me nearly dying and all it's taken to recover and keep recovering, all I've wanted to do and been trying to continue.

I'm so glad we were able to complete the album. The record with Sylvia is almost done, too, it'll come out in February. I made such progress on our memoir, our first book of three, in the first couple of months of the year.

The events of April and the ensuing medical issues have made it hard to get back with as much momentum as I had hoped. And we needed to work hard after all that to make sure Til Morning came out in time.

But I promise you, little sweetheart, it is very much at the forefront of my thoughts, as are you always and forever. And the first book, Summerlove, will indeed by published this coming year. It is my solemn vow, my little sweetheart.

I love you with all my heart and soul. As I often say, whether in prayer or as I did so many times when you were only getting up to get something in the next room - don't go too far away.

With all my love forever. Forever.

Before I Go...

Waking up this morning, little sweetheart, I say our prayer as I lay in bed, before rising and lighting your candle.

Then making coffee, I look around at the things I've laid out and the lists I've made of things to pack and things to remember before I leave. Ever anxious, I try to slow down, quiet myself and listen for your celestial, healing, eternal, guiding presence.

Please be with me today, little sweetheart. Let me know that you are near. And take me to you the moment Heaven will allow.

With all my love forever...

One on the Aisle

I'm feeling anxious, tonight, little sweetheart. I'm traveling tomorrow. I suppose I always am a little (and that you'd be quick to tell me) before I go. But I think it's even more keen tonight because I haven't been away in some time. Not since the accident. Not since the hospital. Not since I was supposed to go in May but was so badly injured that I couldn't fly. Tomorrow I'll be on a plane, though. In an aisle seat instead of my usual window because that's what the doctor instructed.

Something about travel makes me sad, too, because I remember how it always meant that by journey's end I would be again in your arms. I think I'm feeling all of these things tonight. The sadness and longing for you. The anxiety about disrupting this tiny pocket of comfort and routine - how small my life has become in your absence.

Please be with me, little sweetheart. Please help and guide me. Let me know, as you often do, in the most unexpected, surprising ways that you are near. And take me to you the moment heaven will allow. How I love you! And always always will.

Last of the Year

Tonight was the first night in about a month, little sweetheart, that I was able to get up to that little church I've told you about, where they have the nice Wednesday night candlelight meditation service. I always insist on walking there and back and that's a good hour or two plus the service itself, so sometimes, when things are busy, I just can't quite make it happen.

I'm so glad when I do, though. It's good that there's air around it. It's good that it makes me leave things behind for a few hours. It helps me quiet myself and when I do, I can hear and find you better. And that's what I need more than anything. It's so good to sit quietly mindful, sing the chants, light a candle and say quiet prayers, our prayer, and speak to you. I'm always so much better when I know you're near.

Please help me, little sweetheart, to know that you are and to do as you instruct. With all my love forever. Forever.

Til Morning

The new album, our 8th, Til Morning Is Nigh, is out today, little sweetheart. We've already had some very kind words about it. As ever, it is so very much of, for and about you. As ever, my thoughts are of and with you. Forever, little sweetheart. Forever.

On Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, little sweetheart. It's also your Dad's b'day and Sylvia is here from France. Between calling your dad and whipping up the meal with Sylvia, I'm thinking of you so very very much. How grateful I am to have been found by you. How much I love and long for you always. It's a very small circle around me now. Your parents and Sylvia. And your eternal presence, which makes itself know to me in the moments I most need. In the moments I most need you, you still find a way to find me. How grateful I am for you you. How grateful I am to you. How I love you! Forever, little sweetheart. Forever.

39

It's November 13th, little sweetheart - your 39th birthday. I've been thinking of you all day, as I do most everyday already, and feeling a rush of emotions - sadness, joy, gratitude, longing, wonderment and so very much love. You are always with me and I love you with all my heart and soul. Please be close to us today, let me and all those who love you know that you are near. With all my love forever.

All Souls

Good morning, little sweetheart. It's November 2nd - All Souls Day. I'm up a little early on this Friday morning. It's grey and overcast and I have an earlier than usual physical therapy appointment. But, like every morning, as I woke I said our prayers and lit your candle and then came in here to write a few words to you. Please know that I love you forever with all my heart and soul. Please be near me today. My thoughts are always of and with you, my little sweetheart, my gorgeous girl. I'll look for you in quiet moments today. I will listen. With all my love...