Little sweetheart, today is Thanksgiving.
I'm all my own but I learned a couple of years ago that even if I am alone - be it on my birthday or some holiday meant for gathering like this one - I need to observe and not shrink from it. That only makes things the more lonely.
So, even though I miss you terribly (and my mom, too), I am so very grateful that you found me, that you come to me still in dreams and in the most unusual circumstances to fortify my faith. I know we'll be together again and forever. And even though I can't quite see where you are just now, we are together even in your seeming absence.
I'm so thankful and blessed, my little sweetheart. And I love you. Love you forever.
Thursday, November 28, 2019
Sunday, November 24, 2019
Always...
Woke up this morning, little sweetheart, to the news that the video we did for "We'll All Go Together" is just ten plays from 1K.
Remember that song, little sweetheart? It's a Scottish folk song that we first heard in Ireland. A couple years ago to honor you on March 18th, I recorded and released it along with the video all in the span of 24 hours.
The video is a slideshow style one with lots of beautiful pictures of you. I think I probably posted it here at the time of its release but I will again.
Always, as ever, it's all for you. With all my love...
Remember that song, little sweetheart? It's a Scottish folk song that we first heard in Ireland. A couple years ago to honor you on March 18th, I recorded and released it along with the video all in the span of 24 hours.
The video is a slideshow style one with lots of beautiful pictures of you. I think I probably posted it here at the time of its release but I will again.
Always, as ever, it's all for you. With all my love...
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
REM
I found myself watching a short documentary about REM last night, little sweetheart. And although that band wasn't strictly one of ours together, still, it makes me think of you.
The documentary is about one of their lesser known albums but one that I quite like - it's more of a promo, really, I guess - for New Adventures in Hi-Fi. I remember I was in Ireland when it came out and actually bought it just after I got back to London before flying home to New York. Kris and I listened to tracks on Irish radio as we drove along the dark, narrow, country lanes between Bantry and Kilcrohane, which I would visit for last time with you on our trip there together in 2010. Later the album was in heavy rotation at my old band's rehearsal studio in Brooklyn and on the jukebox at McCoy's.
One of the reasons I associate it now with you is that the 8th track - "Be Mine", with it's repeated chorus of you and me, you and me, you and me - played in the background of that little restaurant we used to go to in the Inner Sunset and where we sat one night having something to eat just before you took me to SFO.
Every time I had to leave your side, I would began weeping, often hours before departure.
Later, after your impossible and tragic passing, after I had come back to New York in the short weeks before returning for your memorial (held, ever incredibly, on my own birthday), I spent several days upstate with Sean and Megan and their two little girls, broken, inconsolable. Sean gave me a couple of CD-Rs and I took them with me when I flew back out. The REM one and another I'd only just gotten with you were the two I found myself playing endlessly in the rental car all that week.
The one Sean gave me was a double-disc of live shows recorded in Dublin - Live at Olympia. The other, ours, was the new Radiohead album - The King of Limbs - which had come out just weeks before the tragic events (and which you had excitedly asked me to download as you were driving home from San Jose as I was making dinner for your arrival. We had just begun listening to it together. Those two records were my soundtrack all that week and beyond, filled with sorrow and longing for you, dumbstruck and without compass... the unimaginable hole in my life.
It aches to hear these songs, little sweetheart, our songs. But you told me, didn't you, my love, to listen and remember?
How I love you! How I miss you. How I long, with faith, to find that you are only just around an invisible corner - alive and forever. And that we will be together again, eternal.
With all my love, forever. Forever.
The documentary is about one of their lesser known albums but one that I quite like - it's more of a promo, really, I guess - for New Adventures in Hi-Fi. I remember I was in Ireland when it came out and actually bought it just after I got back to London before flying home to New York. Kris and I listened to tracks on Irish radio as we drove along the dark, narrow, country lanes between Bantry and Kilcrohane, which I would visit for last time with you on our trip there together in 2010. Later the album was in heavy rotation at my old band's rehearsal studio in Brooklyn and on the jukebox at McCoy's.
One of the reasons I associate it now with you is that the 8th track - "Be Mine", with it's repeated chorus of you and me, you and me, you and me - played in the background of that little restaurant we used to go to in the Inner Sunset and where we sat one night having something to eat just before you took me to SFO.
Every time I had to leave your side, I would began weeping, often hours before departure.
Later, after your impossible and tragic passing, after I had come back to New York in the short weeks before returning for your memorial (held, ever incredibly, on my own birthday), I spent several days upstate with Sean and Megan and their two little girls, broken, inconsolable. Sean gave me a couple of CD-Rs and I took them with me when I flew back out. The REM one and another I'd only just gotten with you were the two I found myself playing endlessly in the rental car all that week.
The one Sean gave me was a double-disc of live shows recorded in Dublin - Live at Olympia. The other, ours, was the new Radiohead album - The King of Limbs - which had come out just weeks before the tragic events (and which you had excitedly asked me to download as you were driving home from San Jose as I was making dinner for your arrival. We had just begun listening to it together. Those two records were my soundtrack all that week and beyond, filled with sorrow and longing for you, dumbstruck and without compass... the unimaginable hole in my life.
It aches to hear these songs, little sweetheart, our songs. But you told me, didn't you, my love, to listen and remember?
How I love you! How I miss you. How I long, with faith, to find that you are only just around an invisible corner - alive and forever. And that we will be together again, eternal.
With all my love, forever. Forever.
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Happy 40th Birthday, Little Sweetheart!
Happy 40th birthday, little sweetheart. We assembled this video for you and released it at midnight. I love you so very very much - forever!
Monday, November 11, 2019
Restless
I’m not sleeping well just now, little sweetheart.
Sometimes the silver lining is that waking so often during the night, I better remember what dreams I’ve just been yanked from, but sadly that is not exactly the case just now. I need to relax. To quiet my mind before going to bed, so I’m going to endeavor to do just that.
But I do know that you’ve been hovering in my dreams, even though I can’t quite put a finger on recalling them with any detail. I know you’re there. And that is the best of good signs.
Please do help me to hang on and know, wont you, little sweetheart? And thank you for coming near to guide me. With all my love forever.
Sometimes the silver lining is that waking so often during the night, I better remember what dreams I’ve just been yanked from, but sadly that is not exactly the case just now. I need to relax. To quiet my mind before going to bed, so I’m going to endeavor to do just that.
But I do know that you’ve been hovering in my dreams, even though I can’t quite put a finger on recalling them with any detail. I know you’re there. And that is the best of good signs.
Please do help me to hang on and know, wont you, little sweetheart? And thank you for coming near to guide me. With all my love forever.
Saturday, November 2, 2019
All Soul's Day 2019
There's not a service to go to today, little sweetheart, but I'm thinking of you and saying quiet prayers for you on this day, All Soul's Day.
I know you are forever and everywhere - just around a corner I can't quite get a glimpse of yet, but ever so nearby.
I love you with all my heart and soul. I'm so grateful for you! And I know we will be together soon and forever again. God bless you, my little sweetheart!
I know you are forever and everywhere - just around a corner I can't quite get a glimpse of yet, but ever so nearby.
I love you with all my heart and soul. I'm so grateful for you! And I know we will be together soon and forever again. God bless you, my little sweetheart!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)