An Anniversary of Sorts...

Little sweetheart, today is my sobriety anniversary. I have funny feelings about it, especially when I think about what you might say. I was sober for 5 years before I met you and all through our time together you said you didn't think I was an alcoholic, that I should be able to have a drink with you (and you didn't even drink hardly ever, so there's that...) or with your folks at Christmas or on some special occasion and even get a bit drunk. "It's okay when you're happy," you said, "just don't drink when you're sad". And I think I understand that now, my love. Because when I was with you I was so very very happy. I was safe. I think I clung to sobriety at that point because it was tied into who I thought I was. My self-identifying as The Guy Who Doesn't Drink. Like a lot of things I regret, that has more to do with ego than what's real or right. The real thing is love. Our love. The great gift of you and my gratitude - there can never be enough - for your finding and loving me. After the tragedy, my little sweetheart, I'm afraid I did quite a lot of drinking. And I certainly wasn't happy. And didn't you tell me, my darling not to do that? So, I feel a bit better this time having stopped. It's two years today, little sweetheart. I'll wait to have a little drink with you when we're together again. I know you like White Russians, especially at Christmas, or a little mulled wine. Is there a nice cozy place for a drink there in The Forever, my darling? Will you take me sometime? Love you with all my heart and soul...