Mother's Day '21

Little sweetheart, today is Mother’s Day. 

Your mom is working on the house down in Turlock, so I found a florist nearby in Modesto to deliver a little bouquet on Friday, a few days before, so she could enjoy them. 

Mother’s Day is such a very wistful time for me, little sweetheart, both because I miss my own mom and because I miss you so very much and can’t help think how you wanted to raise a child with me and be a mommy yourself. 

I think somehow, when things eternal are finally revealed to me, perhaps I’ll find that in the full realness of time, the non-linear more complete one mortals can’t quite know, that we will have a child together to love and protect and teach and cherish. 

You’ve so much more to teach and show me, I know, little sweetheart and perhaps this is among them. 

With all my love forever.   

Mother's Day

Thinking of you today, little sweetheart, and our moms – yours and mine – and how you yourself wanted to raise a child with me and be a mommy yourself... I held an infant in my arms last week, sweetheart. This nice couple I’ve gotten to know have a nearly-newborn, and that day, the mom was on her own. She was trying to gather everything up on her way out, I asked if I could help and she said “can you hold him for a minute?”. As she wrestled with the baby sling, attempting to secure its finicky snaps, I took her tiny charge in my arms. I’d never held a baby before, sweetheart. I didn’t tell her that until after (!). I was surprised how warm he felt. And he locked eyes with me, smiling, and gripped my index finger tightly in his little fist. That night I had a dream and you were with me, my love. We were eating pizza, you improving your slice with your go-to condiments of seasoned salt and lemon pepper, and my mom came in. When you got up for a second, she told me that the two of you had been talking and that you had told her many things about your own mother - all those great stories of your epic, beautiful childhood - and how much you loved her. I asked when did you two talk and she said “we were over there, by the window.” When you sat back down, you’d brought me a gift. I opened the box. There was a watch inside. And you kissed me. Is it almost time, my love? It’s Mother’s Day and these are some of my thoughts. Is it almost time? I’ll look for you two in every window until then…

Mother's Day...

Thinking not just of my mom but of you today, Summer, my little sweetheart because you wanted to raise a child with me and be a mommy yourself. In another life, in another place, I know we will. Meantime, know that I will be with you soon and that I love you forever and with all my heart and soul.