In Dreams (con't)...

I was up so early this morning, my sweetheart, and through the day, stamping about the city - a thousand tasks (mostly) cheerfully performed - and carrying you, as always, with me. Finally at home in the early evening, I had to lie down, just as you were wont to do (oh, just to have a nap with you again! Waking disoriented, wrapped up in each other, entwined...), NPR on low in the background. I couldn't have been out for long. Maybe 20 minutes. But I dreamt of you. And I was so very sad to wake without you beside me. Again. Each time is much like the first - impossible. Yet, my darling, photos of you, much like your constant if invisible presence, surrounded me. And as I looked up from the bed, one of them - this one of you I took as you leaned on the kitchen island counter at the house in Davis just before Christmas - seemed to glow. You were glowing, a celestial illumination, my angel, my true love, my little sweetheart, haloed as I lay there, my heart aching and longing for you. Remember, my sweetheart, how whenever you would begin to stir - it didn't even have to be to another room, even just slightly shifting your weight to one side - that I would say "don't go too far away"? Don't go too far away, Summer. Don't go too far away, my love. My sweetheart, always be with me...

"Sound Out..."

Heard that our friend Johnny Donovan passed away two days ago. He was one of the people we got to know over the years in our travels to Kilcrohane in West Cork. That's him there third from the right, at Eileen's (aka Fitzpatrick's) pub in the village. There were several years where we made multiple, wonderful visits to Kilcrohane, even spending three Christmases there. When Summer & met, I told her about some of these Irish adventures and she wanted me to take her, too. Thank god we made that trip. She got to meet everyone, and Johnny, of course, who had us over for tea (aka: whiskey and biscuits) before we adjourned to Eileen's, as seen here. We had plans, Summer and I, to meet up again with Kris and Joy (also pictured) that next spring and make another trip there in time for Johnny's b'day (I think it was to have been his 69th) but sadly... sadly... Anyway, I'm so glad you got to meet him, sweetheart. Turns out you get to see him sooner than the rest of us. Bless you both. And as Johnny used to say on his way out the door well after last call, "sound out". Sound out, Johnny Donovan. Sound out, my friend. See ya soon...

In the stars...

I saw this quote today, my sweetheart, and thought of you, of us. How you liked to say that you found me. And how grateful I am that you did. How I know and believe and have faith that you will come for me in my sleep, take my hand and lead me to the Beautiful New Place to be with you forever. This little quote evokes, reinforces that:

 

“Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?
Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.” 

The Heart Knows (Its Home)

There’s a beautiful picture of you, my darling, I think it’s always been there, in the window looking out to the garden in the house at Davis. You’re a little girl, perhaps twelve, wearing a pretty reddish pink polka dot dress and holding a kitten in your arms, a slender red watch on your little left wrist. I have gazed at this photo – like others – so many many times, boring my eyes into yours, willing my soul to leave my body and inhabit the place with you where you now reside. When last I looked upon it, I was with your mom. It was the last day of my visit and your dad was taking me to SMF in a few hours. As I sat there at the indoor patio table gazing at the little girl you, I asked your mom about it. How old were you, exactly? What was that little watch you were wearing? Which of the collection of famous family cats was in your sweet little arms? Your mother told, my sweetheart, that you were about twelve (as I say), that she had just picked you up from your ballet class, that the watch was one of a pair of them that both she and you used to wear out together. She told me the name of the kitty, too. I’ll have to ask again. It’s slipped my mind because of what happened next. She left the room and came back a moment later with the very same pretty little dress you were wearing in the picture and put it down on the table by me. I burst into tears that grew into great, heaving sobs of hyperventilation. I sat there, my love, lightly touching your little dress, my heart aching and soaring and longing to be near its home – you. And I’ve felt this way from the first - I know you know – so overwhelmed by the beauty and rightness and true compass of your spirit that my very being trembles and quakes to have been found by you. For it is you, Summer. It is you, my love, that I was born for. Whatever life has left for me is a just an unwinding until I am returned to you. My heart knew it from the first. And as I sat there falling apart I was reassured – it is you, my love. My True One. My little sweetheart. It is you.

Time Travel, pt 1

For the longest time, little sweetheart, I've come across random works of art and memorabilia that bear uncanny, wonderful resemblance to you. Not unlike the way you come to me in dreams, these images bring my conscious self to you with a hint, a glimpse, a clue, that you are eternal. That we are. That I will be again with you soon and forever. And in a way most wonderful that my mortal mind cannot yet begin to grasp, only take in these little fragments, these slivers of what will be, what always was, and to give me hope and faith to persevere until that day, that blessed day you come for me. It's a rainy Saturday where I am, my love. Lonely and grey. My every thought, my heart and soul yearn for you so. And I will love you forever because it was ever thus. My True Love, my little best friend, my sweetheart, my gorgeous girl. Until that day! Until that day...