Candles and Prayers

Little sweetheart, today is Ash Wednesday.

I went to services up at that little church I told you about. It's the usual Wednesday night for the candlelight meditation, so it was part that/part Ash Wednesday-ish. When they put the little cross on your forehead, they call that "the imposition of ashes." They did that and I said my prayer for you, for us, and I sang and I was filled with thoughts of you.

Ash Wednesday is also the beginning of Lent, little sweetheart, when people "give up" things. Another part of the service was an opportunity to write something down, maybe something that you wanted to unburden yourself of, and then burn it in a little bowl. I wrote down something that weighs very heavy with me, little sweetheart - all my mistakes.

I'm so very sorry, my darling, for every mistake, any time I may have hurt your tender feelings, any cross word that I may ever have uttered. I know that we are both terribly emotional and passionate - that's one of the wonderful things about our finding each other, we could never scare the other away, only match one another and cling together even stronger. And I know both that little arguments or rough patches are just a part of relationships in general and that any of ours always came with and from the underlining great need that we just wanted to be together even more. Any little flare up only ever had at its root a plea from you to me or from me to you just to hold each other a little tighter and never ever let go. I know it's mutual. But I still just ache and want to kill myself for every and any mistake or ever hurting your feelings, even if we made everything okay moments later and I cried and you forgave me and understood. It still haunts me.

So, I wrote that down, little sweetheart. I wrote down how sorry I am for all my mistakes, little sweetheart. And I folded it up and burned the piece of paper in the little bowl there and then I prayed.

Before I left, I talked to that nice lady minister, Jes, I've told you about. And we prayer together for you, too. And then I asked her if she believed that you and I would be together again. I cried and cried as I said the words. And she yes. She said we believe that and she said that she believes that and she will believe that for us and that I can believe too.

And I do, little sweetheart. I believe and pray for that. And when I came home, I made sure your candle was burning and then I took a little picture with my head titled close to yours.

I love and miss you, my love. My True Love, my best friend, my soulmate, my partner, my gingersnap, my little sweetheart. My Summer, I love you with all my heart and soul. Please help and guide me today, my darling. And please take me to you the minute that heaven will allow. With all my love forever...