Your Special Hat!

Little sweetheart, a couple of years ago on my birthday, your Mom sent a wonderful big package to me. Inside were several things including four beautiful Serafin towels (with the “S” monogram) smelling lovely, some pictures and that gorgeous black sunhat of yours - the one you wore all the time in Ireland making you look like Zorro and that I’d like to peak under and come in close for a visit and kiss you. She affixed a little seahorse pendant to it. She said that was something that you would do (I know!) and would call it one of your “tricks”. 

I remember you doing little things like this. Talking yesterday about our first times together I forgot to mention remembering how you asked me for a pencil and I asked if a pen would do and what did you want it for and you twirled you long red hair all up in a knot on top of your head and stuck the ballpoint pen through to hold it aloft, turned to me and said “I’m famous for this”.

Your mom thoughtfully included a little hook for your hat to hang from so that it wouldn’t lose its shape. I thought about where to put it for some time but where I ultimately decided it was best was for it to rest on your pillows next me. I never turn down that side - your side - of the bed except to wash the sheets and I already had two little pieces of your clothing - one pink and one purple (your favorite colors!) there. I often go to sleep holding a little corner of them.

I’ve always been a little worried that your hat would lose its shape if not hung up properly. I very assiduously packed some cloth into the crown and that does the trick just fine but the brim is quite wide and that’s what I couldn’t figure out - how to keep the hat from collapsing a bit into the brim.

But the other morning as I got up and said our prayer and kissed your things good morning, I had an idea. If I just took a bit of nice clean bubble wrap and neatly tucked it around the brim, your hat could sort of float there on the pillow. And you know what gave me the idea, little sweetheart? You did!

Because… remember how after you got your ears pierced you were so careful not to sleep directly on the side of your earlobe? What you figured out was to use one of those travel or air pillows people take on planes. You would put the air pillow on my shoulder and then sleep on my shoulder with the air pillow holding you up and your sweet little ear through the donut hole. We started calling it your “ear pillow”, remember? I would always say before bed, “don’t forget your little ear pillow”. And you would cuddle up with me and we would fall asleep together that way.

And I still fall asleep with your things and pictures around me. And I say our prayer and talk quietly to you about the day until I fall asleep. And when I wake up now, your sweet little hat is floating right there too, just as it should be.

I think you’d like that. It’s ready for you anytime, little sweetheart. And so am I. Come collect me just as soon as heaven will allow, won’t you? With all my love forever…