Wake and Sleep

Little sweetheart, when I lay down for a nap or sometimes when I wake but think to close my eyes just for a few more minutes, I often say something to you that I don't think I've ever actually written down.

I keep your side of the bed made - I don't turn down the covers - and your famous black hat is there floating on your pillow with a couple of other little things of yours, clothing, aside it. I'll often hold on to a corner of your blouse or gently smooth the top of your hat where a little seahorse brooch is pinned and talk to you quietly. I'll always tell you how very much I love and miss you and that I don't want anything more than just to be with you wherever you are and forever. I'll tell you that I just don't like it here at all without you and that all I want is just to be with you. I'll ask you to please take me to you as soon as possible.

Indeed, someone asked me last night what I'd most like to do if I could do anything and I had to remind them that life isn't like that for me anymore. Whatever there may be left of my life, I'm just trying my best to honor and listen for you but that what I want more than anything is just to pass through death so I can go with you, be where you are.

All of us on this side, all of we merely mortal, can only talk about things with the words we have. Not knowing what you know, little sweetheart, that is all I can do - talk about Heaven or The Forever without really knowing and just using the poetry and vocabulary that I do have.

So, what I'll often say as I lay down to take a nap or close my eyes for a little longer is how much I long to wake with you where you are. I remember how very much you like to sleep and how very proud I was that you always told me how you slept the best and most soundly when you were curled up with me.

I'll often say to you as I lay down now that I wonder if we take naps in heaven and how nice that would be to nap there with you. Or if you're terribly busy sometimes in The Forever and need to go off on your own, maybe I can take a little nap right there where we are and just wait until you finish all your celestial to-do list and then be all ready to help you with anything you need when you get back.

I'll often say that I don't know how it works in heaven or what we do there. I don't know if we take naps or if we maybe fly around with the birds (I like listening to birds sing their little songs now, sweetheart - I have a feeling often that you send me messages that way, to calm me down and to remind me to be kind, to be a good boy). How I look forward to you telling me everything and how everything works there! And I also often say that I hope I can do things that make you happy because I'm never happier than when I can do things to help you and do things that make you happy and hear you tell me that I'm "so good to (you)".

I'll often say that. That I'd love just to help you if you need anything done in Heaven. Maybe I can be your helper, little sweetheart. Maybe if you've lots of things to do I can help with them and then if we take naps in Heaven, the two of us can lay down together after we get through all the little things you need to get done.

When I think of what I want if it could be anything, this it what I think of, little sweetheart - just to be with you everywhere you go and to help. And if you need to go off on your own for a little while, just to wait patiently for you or maybe do something to help you while you're away. Just so long as I can be with you always and to help and make you happy. That's all I want in the whole world, little sweetheart.

Please help do that, won't you? Please help and guide me and take me to you just soon as Heaven will allow. With all my love forever.