This Morning's Reminders

Little sweetheart, sometimes I make little treats - cupcakes or brownies or cookies- and take almost all of them over to the little rectory at Sacred Heart for the nuns there.

It’s been awhile. I think the last time I did was on Valentines Day when I suddenly got the idea to make heart-shaped sugar cookies and see if I could figure out how to make pink frosting. I did and it went so well I made a second batch.

Anyway, I’d been thinking to myself that I would make some chocolate cupcakes and take them over but it’s been so hot here the thought of turning on the oven didn’t exactly appeal. Still, I had all the ingredients laid out to remind me. And then on my way back from my run, I saw two of the nuns over by the river. I told them I was going to bring some cupcakes by and I told them about you, of course, and showed them my tattoos in your handwriting. They both said they would pray for you.

This morning, I’m not sure why, I woke up quite early. So, I went ahead and made a dozen. I put them almost straight from the oven into the fridge still in the cupcake tray, so that they would cool fast and I could frost them. I made buttercream vanilla frosting and topped them and packed them up in tupperware and took them over on my way to the river for this morning’s run.

Baking always makes think of you, little sweetheart, because it’s something you liked to do and your doing it made me take it up - I love cooking for you! All the stuff I have for baking and cooking are things that you picked out when we went shopping together. Remember?

One night you wanted to make cupcakes but I didn’t really have anything here yet. You looked around and spotted a big metal bowl I had squirreled away about as far out of reach as could be. It was all the way up on the top of one of the shelves near the ceiling, probably covered in dust, but your keen little eye hit upon it and you pointed. “What about that?”, you said. Then we made a list and went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and got measuring spoons and a measuring cup and cake and cupcake tins and a rolling pin and a hand mixer - all kinds of stuff that I have and use all the time, now! Thank god for you! Literally. And always.

I always think of you when I bake and I love cooking for your folks when I see them because it reminds me how wonderful it was to make things for you. And also, when I do little things out of kindness, like bring cupcakes to the sweet little nuns at Sacred Heart, I know you are with me. You are the kindest, most thoughtful person I’ve ever known. And I long to do things that make you proud of me. I long to do things that make me feel close to you.

And I long for the day, soon I hope, when I may be returned to you. Please come and collect me, little sweetheart, the moment heaven will allow. With all my love forever.