Found Flowers and Angels

Little sweetheart, I've had the strangest day.

My friend Lee was visiting from Boston. She was driving down to go to reading at Judson near NYU but stopping here to meet up for a few hours before. She arrived later than expected and we didn't have loads of time but she wanted to go for a walk and have something to eat after, so I took her up to that sweet little diner that you and I like so much way up on Broadway.

We had a nice walk and nice chat and a nice lunch. I gave her a CD-R - a rough mix demo of the new "incidentals" for the live Of Love and Loss (she runs a little theatre company in Cambridge, so it's possible we might perform it up there). After, she handed me a chicklet, a little piece of gum. I bit down and I immediately heard something crack. I felt with my tongue and spit out a tiny piece of tooth! Oh. My. God. I wasn't bleeding or in pain, so that was good, but it shook me up a little! I wrapped it in a bit of plastic and an extra handkerchief I had in my bag and stashed it back in the bag itself next to my notebook.

We were running a bit late for her reading and she wasn't sure how to get there, so I took her myself on the subway and then walked her over there from the train. After, I tried to get the dentist on the phone. It's Sunday, so the machine picked up but it also had an emergency number. I dialed it and the dentist who shares office space with my own answered and set up an appointment for me first thing Tuesday morning. Gah.

I was right down near the place where I often meet Elaine, my literary agent, so I texted to see if she was around. She texted right back to say she was about to walk her dog and that she'd meet me by the edge of the park across from Judson in five minutes. I've been with Elaine for just a little bit before I met you, little sweetheart, and she remembers how rich you made my life, how very happy. She's been so supportive and kind over the years and was among the first to ask if there was a way to meld my music for you with my writing. She also, tragically, just lost her husband a few months ago. I've only seen her a couple of times since then, so I'm glad we had a chance to meet up. She has a new puppy, just 16 weeks old. Her name is Fiona, and she reminds me very much of Gidget, the little cocker your Mom and I got your Dad for Christmas the year you passed.

As we sat down there was a little rose that had been cut but was still thorny and stalky and in full bloom right on the bench where we were about to sit. I gave Elaine Dream Together - it's been that long since I've seen her - and told her about the incidentals for Of Love. She's going to London on Friday, so she'll talk to Meg, my agent over there, as well.

When we parted, I felt better, I think we both did, and I took the little rose with me, careful to carry it by the stem with my handkerchief over the sharp needles of the thorns.

As I walked across to the West Side to catch the bus, I came across another flower. A pretty pink one. It was lying on the sidewalk near the little church and garden and thrift store there on Hudson Street. I gathered it up with the rose and carried them both carefully with me to the bus stop, then on the bus itself, then all the way home and finally put them both in a little jam jar I filled with water.

It all made me feel so close to you, my little sweetheart. A little sad, too, because I miss you so and it reminded me of how I'd always prepare a dozen roses for your arrival, arranging them in a vase and setting them on the red table where you'd organize all your treasures and do your make up and conduct official Summer operations here in our apartment. Where we'd eat together side by side. I never dine there anymore, it's too lonely without you. But I keep all your things and light a constant candle there for you.

I loved that I found these flowers today and that I brought them safely home. I love having thoughts and signs of you near. Please be with me today and always, won't you, my darling? And take me to the very moment that heaven will allow. With all my love forever.