Summerlight

Little sweetheart, one of the most comforting things in my sadness is to have all the many wonderful pictures of you here all around me, covering nearly every space of wall and desk and mantel. It’s such a comfort to have my eye fall upon you wherever I might turn my gaze. And sometimes, often magically, a light will fall upon one of them, upon you, when the sun finds its way through the blinds or through some sliver in the clouds.

The other day came just such a moment.

High up almost directly at eye level to the right when I sit here at my desk are several photos of you perched atop the tower of sound equipment. Among those are the mini-poster collage of photos of you from the Of Love and Loss album, the back cover photo from BPXmas of you in your winter coat and hat on the roof, a photo of you leaning against the fridge in the kitchen and a note to myself (something you said to guide me) taped it the bottom of its frame, a lovely full face picture of you with your pretty red hair down and framing your face again with a note taped to the bottom (“It is she Love has destined for you!”) that I saw once walking home past Lincoln Center when the opera was being broadcast outside with subtitles and in the middle a lovely picture of you I took while we rode a London bus together.

Late yesterday afternoon as the sun began to move from east to west over the building, the light pinpointed its way through the blinds illuminating this photo from behind and casting the most incredible light framing your face through the picture.

It was, as I say, a back light, but it raised your features and your eyes making you glow. This magic light hit nothing else - only you and from behind and perfectly making you the sole focus of the room.

In moments like these I know there are so many things beyond my mortal comprehension and I know you are doing your best to let me know you are near me, far nearer than I can imagine. Thank you, my angel. May I do in all things my best to honor and hear you. I love you with all my heart and soul and pray so very fervently to be what you want and desire of me. Please take me to you the moment that heaven will allow. Oh, my bright, wonderful angel!