The Rains

Little sweetheart, we had incredibly hard rain today all day and into the night. For much of the spring there was a leak in the ceiling in the bedroom…right over your spot in bed! I moved the entire bed and all of your stuff, of course, into an entirely new position for months. The roofer couldn’t get it right, so I didn’t want to take any chances. They finally changed roofers and it got sorted but I waited through several rains until I was sure before I moved everything back.

Today though, it started leaking in an entirely different place in the front room - where all the guitars and amps and computer and everything is. And lots of your pictures. I got so upset and worried. I moved things and I even went up on the roof in the rain to try to see if there was anything I could do.

On top of all that, I was very disappointed about something today. Something I was looking forward to and had been promised but didn’t happen. I got very upset - anxious and worried and angry and resentful. And then I started to cry.

But that was a good thing. I started to cry as I looked at a pretty picture of you, little sweetheart. And I started to talk to myself, say things that I know you would tell me. I told myself just to be grateful for you - for my sweetheart. And for your mom and dad. And for faith that reassures me that I will be with you again and forever. And to just concentrate on the important things - being a good person, doing my work, our work, and finding ways to be kind.

I said all this out loud as my tears began to subside and I got up to move another picture of yours to safety. And after I sat it down on a music stand safe and sound, I went over to where my phone was charging and there was an email from the person who had disappointed me. A lovely message apologizing for forgetting to do the thing they promised and vowing to make it up. I heard you tell me “see?”

Yes, I do, little sweetheart. Whenever I get upset I need to quiet myself and just listen for you. You always make everything better. Thank you, my true love.