5:24 am

Little sweetheart, I love it when things happen unexpectedly and bring me such a strong sense and memory and awareness of you. Often, it’s a sensory thing - I’ll inexplicably find your scent in the air as I turn a corner even though no one is walking by. Or, feeling sad or angry or confused, a little bird will began to sing or a butterfly flutter before me and I know you’re doing your best to reach and calm me.

This morning, very early this morning, while it was still dark and well before I was ready to get up, I stirred. I kinda had to pee, to be honest! But it reminded me, delightfully, of how you would often get up in the middle of the night to do so. You’d stir and crawl over me on your way out of bed and sometimes, often, I’d capture you in my arms and kiss you before letting you go and whispering “don’t go too far away” or “come right back”.

This morning before dawn, I got up like that, but first, as I often do, went to the red table shrine and made sure your candle was lit. After lighting a fresh tea light there and placing it back before your picture (one of the hundreds), I stopped in the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water.

I almost never do that in the middle of the night but it’s something that you would do and I could feel you telling me to. As I stood there, just as I’ve watched you do so many times, I slowly drank the water and felt so very close to you. In that quiet hour, doing as you do, as you would have me do. I could feel myself calm and grounded and near you. And when I returned to bed and curled up next to your place there, I spoke quietly to you and slept well, feeling you near.

Thank you, my angel. Please come collect me as soon as heaven will allow. I hope it’s soon. With all my love forever.