Fever Dreams

Little sweetheart, I'm sick again! Gah! Not as bad as a week or so ago when I could barely stand to lay down because my stomach hurt so bad, but just a really severe cold. The kind where I actually lose my voice. That almost never happens.

But the reason I'm telling you isn't to complain or commiserate. It's because I've been able to do almost nothing but sleep (which is good) and I've had the most deep kind of sleeping and dreams. The kind of sleep I used to have with you by my side.

I think that's something we both enjoyed, kind of cured in each other. I was always so proud to hear you tell me that you never slept better than when we were side by side wrapped around each other. That often you had great difficulty sleeping but not when we were together.

What I'm thinking of in these last days is how exhausted and soundly I have been out. Like for the entire day and again all night. It reminds me of how you and I would fall asleep in your bed with the windows open and the curtains billowing in the light warm breeze, wrapped around each other and just passed out! Gone. Only to wake finally, groggily, deliciously together. Looking at each other through blurry eyes to say "wow... we were really out!" I love that.

And I can't think of that feeling without thinking of you and the joy, the light and love you brought into my life.

Even sick like this, it's a gift because this kind f sleep - I'm not sure I've had since I was with you last - reminds me of the gift that you. How much I love and long for you.

And sleep is also where I always so often hope to find you. Find me, won''t you my darling? And take me to you again this time forever.

With all my love... xM