Thursday, January 22, 2015

Hear Our Prayer...

There’s a little church on W.78th St, sweetheart, that I’ve been walking by for over a year, looking at their calendar of events and thinking about going inside. Finally, last night, I went to a Taize’ service there. It’s a candlelight service where people sing little chants – short phrases repeated like rounds. There are readings. There was a reading from the New Testament and a poem by Sylvia Plath. At its center is a silent meditation of about 10 or 15 minutes. The lights, already low, are dimmed further and the candlelight really becomes the main source of illumination. There were musicians also. Piano, flute and… something else (funny that I’ve forgotten). At the very end is a short benediction. Just before the meditation, while one of the chants – most are in Latin but this one is in English – repeats the words “Lord, hear my prayer” over and over, people are invited to come to the altar, light a candle, their back to the congregation, and offer their own prayer. So, I did. I was actually the very last person to go. I walked up and lit a candle and standing there I said the prayer I always say for you, my little sweetheart, for us. You know the one. I ask God to please look after you and to keep you safe and to let me be with you again forever and ever in our love in the Beautiful New Place. And I cried and cried, my little sweetheart. I cried, my love, as I stood there speaking our prayer, and after as I walked back to my seat. I cried and cried, my gorgeous girl, and I rested my head on the seat in front of me, weeping well into the meditation, which came next. And after the benediction, as I bundled up for the cold walk home, I was so tired, my little sweetheart. I think crying that hard tires me out sometimes, my love. I walked home and settled into the sofa where you and I would often end our day together. I settled into the sofa where I used to hold you and kiss you and give you a little foot massage as we watched a movie or something together. That tradition that you told me was so important to you – watching a story together, with your partner, at the end of the day. I settled into the sofa alone watching a movie by myself, so very tired, until I finally turned everything off and lay down on our bed and said our prayer again before falling into sleep. I said our prayer again and hoped, as I do every night, not to wake in the morning in this lonely world, but to open my eyes and find you in the next one, in The Beautiful New Place where I will finally be with you again and forever. I love you, Summer. I love you, my little sweetheart. With all my heart and soul I do. Forever and ever. And I long to wake up where you are. I’m so very lonely here without you. Please come for me, won’t you? I’ll say our prayer aloud. I love you, my sweetheart. I love you so.   

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