Another place

I get so anxious, little sweetheart, if you don't appear in one of my dreams for a while. I fear that I'm doing something - or maybe everything - wrong! Living in a way that you dislike or that makes you not want to be near. I fear that you will say I may not call to you. I worry about that, my darling, because I know I make so many many mistakes. And I'm so sorry when I do. I ache to think of them. So I try to do my best. 

I've been a bit under the weather this week, little sweetheart. So, I've been fairly housebound. And you have been in my dreams! I'm so grateful for that! I can't ever remember my dreams nearly as well as I wish I could but I know you have been with me. And you were last night, little sweetheart. You told me there was "another place where we could live". You said it with the most delightful smile, as if you had a special secret you couldn't wait to tell me all about. I think it was in answer to something I asked. I might've asked if you wanted to move in here or get a new place in Brooklyn or even live in California or Seattle or somewhere. And you smiled and said, you know of "another place where we can live". 

This morning I woke and I tried to write it all down, as much as I could remember. It's February 12, today, little sweetheart. Five years ago this morning I was getting on a plane to meet you, to go to the screening of our film at The Castro, to see you in "On the Waterfront", to plan our next project here, to bring you home. I couldn't know. I couldn't know. 

But last night in dreams, as you were close and eating frozen yogurt (!) you told me that there is another place where we can live. Take me there, won't you? 

With all my love... m