Sunday, April 3, 2016

Sunday morning

I haven't been able to go to Sunday services at that little church I told you about for the last little while, little sweetheart but I went two weeks ago and today and last week, too, when it was Easter. They had a "flower offering" - you could give a little donation ahead of time and on Easter it would go toward all the pretty flowers, lilies and azaleas, that decorate the altar. You could dedicate the flowers to someone. So, of course, I dedicated some to you. I did last year, too. Sunday services are a bit different from the Wednesday Taize ones. And to be perfectly honest, I like the quiet, candlelit Wednesday ones better. But both are good for being an hour of mindfulness when I can sit and think of you and pray for you and pray to be with you again soon. Many days are hard, my little sweetheart, without you. Somehow, weekends seem even harder. It's good to go to service, I like its mindfulness and I get very emotional. I've been crying all day, sweetheart. That happens a lot. Many days I'm simply in tears. I feel drained, exhausted, even dehydrated after. You'd tell me to drink an entire glass of water, wouldn't you, my love? So, I try to remember to do that. I feel horribly sad and terribly lost. I often feel that way, little sweetheart. But in a way, I don't mind feeling sad. It's supposed to hurt. I love thinking about you. So, even missing you so painfully is to also feel your presence somehow, to feel a connection, that once-in-a-lifetime connection. I'm so blessed to have been found by you. I've been thinking all this today, little sweetheart. Now, I need to lie down. But I didn't want to fall asleep with telling you all this. Now, I need to lie down. It's my favorite time of day, often. Lying down and talking to you as I fall asleep. Saying a quiet prayer. Hoping if not in the morning, then maybe the next one, that when I wake, I'll be with you in The Forever. Someday it will be so, won't it, Summer. Someday. Someday soon, I hope. With all my love forever...

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