Wednesday, July 13, 2016


Little sweetheart, when I got up yesterday morning and walked out into the hall, I saw something odd. It looked like someone had left a little toy, a plastic bird, on the crashbar of the emergency door to the roof. From the foot of the stairs, I considered it for a long moment and suddenly it turned its head to one side and blinked. It wasn't a toy, it was some sort of escaped parakeet! A pretty white bird with blue markings.

I texted my two neighbors on this floor, Eric & Jack, and Eric came out and took a look. It was his theory that the bird belonged to Angelo on the 2nd floor, because he's heard birds singing down there when he's walked past the apartment door. I never had, but it certainly made sense. I was all in my running gear about to head out, so I stopped on the way down and knocked on Angelo's door but no one was home. I tried again when I got back about an hour and a half later but still no one was there.

In the interim, Eric coaxed the bird into a net (!) and straightaway took him across the street the pet store, asking for their help in getting him into a little cage, then buying the cage and some seed and bringing him back here. Eric has a cat, as you remember, little sweetheart, a nice kitty named Rudy, but however nice Rudy is with humans, he couldn't exactly be trusted with our little bird. Eric wondered if I could take him for the night and if we didn't hear from Angelo or anyone else after putting up a sign - "Found - Escaped Parakeet!" - maybe take him for good. I was happy to bird-sit for the night but a little afraid of getting too attached because I was sure he must belong to someone. Even so, I'd already given our little friend a name: Buddy. He wound up staying two nights.

At first I had him out in the kitchen while I was making dinner and then I brought him into the front room while I was watching Rachel Maddow online. Eric told me he would probably turn his back on me at first. And he did. But eventually he got more comfortable and even started singing. When we had practice yesterday, I took him out of the front room so he wouldn't get too upset. But he slept nicely in front when I went to bed, little sweetheart.

And I thought of you, of course. Because you love animals so, but also because I've had this conversation with you in my dreams and prayers and wonderings about where you are and what it will be like when I get there, too. I often tell you that I can hardly wait to be with you again and forever. And I tell you that I can't wait to learn everything you have to teach and show me about The Forever. There's so much I can't possibly know being here and merely mortal. You know everything now, I imagine, and I can't wait for you to tell me how everything works and what we do. All the things my mind couldn't possible comprehend just now. Sometimes I ask - and I don't know where this came from - if we fly around with the birds sometimes. Maybe it's from waking on mornings, wonderful mornings in your arms, with the birdsong greeting us outside the window of your bedroom in Davis alongside the garden there. Somehow, birds and their singing has become resonant to me. Like it's something you've planted in my mind to help and remind me. And sometimes if I'm out walking or even here at my desk feeling lonely or upset, I'll have the thought to just quiet myself and listen for the song of a bird and often I'll hear it and remember and feel close to you.

We did finally hear from Angelo. He was so relieved to know that we'd found his little pal. And Buddy is actually a female. Her real name is Jackie and she's his first female bird - he has 4 others, I think, all males. She's also the youngest, just 9 months old. So, she's been safely returned.

But I wanted to tell you all about it, little sweetheart, because it seemed important that I do. I'm kind of flying blind here, to use an avian term, without you. I think and believe that you try your best to send me little messages and clues to help me make my way through the rest of my life, my true way, and back to you. And I need to listen closely. Quiet myself and listen for your presence and messages. And one day, hopefully one day very soon, I too will be safely returned to my proper place. Safely returned to you - my beauty, my soulmate, my partner, my best friend, my true love. Safely returned to you.

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