April (ten)

Little sweetheart, today is your friend, Danya's birthday.

I remember the date, April 10th, because her birthday, like mine two weeks later, came so sadly on the heels of your tragic passing. Your memorial was actually held on my birthday. Sadder than even last year when I was in the trauma unit of a hospital after getting run over by a car. But on that sad day in 2011 when we gathered to honor you, Danya (and her mom) both made a point of quietly giving me a card and remembering. It was very kind.

I don't really hear from her, anymore, little sweetheart. I think it's very hard for some people to stay in touch when the memory is so very painful. I'm not sure if that's why, I honestly don't know. But I always text her a message on her day.

It dawned on me after that this is probably her 40th birthday, because she's six months older and your 40th is this November. I saw that she got married a couple of years ago and recently came to understand that they are expecting their first child. I'm happy for them, as I'm sure you are, but I also can't help thinking of how you wanted to raise a child with me - no one ever even asked me that before you did - and all that might've been.

But then I remember that there is so much that I don't know yet, all the things that you do know on the Other Side, and that perhaps so much more is possible and yet to know once I'm with you again and forever.

As always, my thoughts are with, of, about you. I love you so.