I was making a second batch of Christmas cookies last night, little sweetheart. I wanted to do some work but it was so noisy on the street outside, I decided to bake instead.
I had on my playlist of Christmas favorites - you’ve heard a few of them - which included two 30 minute radio documentaries I recorded off the air when the BBC broadcast them years ago. One about the annual Advent service “Darkness to Light” at Salisbury Cathedral and the other interviewing former boy choristers and people involved with the famous 9 Lessons and Carols service at Cambridge.
Between the two of them is a song I heard a few years ago released by the Sheffield band, The Crookes - “You Bring the Snow”. It’s an incredibly bittersweet song longing for “just one more Christmas like when we were young”.
The first time I heard it, and I think probably every time after, it has made me ache for you… and it did tonight. Oven mitt in hand, cutting the little stars and angels and bells, the smell of ginger and molasses and longing for you, my heart so heavy, I just cried and cried and cried. Weeping, aching for you. And all the while shuffling along between the counter and the oven going on with my task.
Very much like how I keep going through my life. Heartbroken to be separated from you but with faith that you are safely in God’s care, that I will be with you again, soon and forever, and that I simply must carry on doing all the things I’m meant and you very much want me to complete.
Yes, little sweetheart, I will remember and honor and call to you always. Always. With all my heart, with all my love. Forever.
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