Material Memory

I’m being extra careful now, little sweetheart, with the beautiful leather jacket you gave me on our last Christmas together.

I had been pretty much wearing it everyday regardless of the weather for the last eight years. Like I told you, we were very worried that the wear and tear to it was too much, too far gone for a restoration but the great folks at Superior Leather did manage to repair it beautifully. I’ve only had it out for a month or two as the weather has grown cooler and am very careful with it, hanging it up after in a place of honor.

The other day I saw a tiny gap in the stitching, less than one inch in length, and took it back. Then said they couldn’t just patch up that tiny bit because it was at the join of the old leather and the new and there wasn’t quite enough mass to the latter for it to take hold quite right. They said we could eventually replace that half of the right sleeve but that if it didn’t get any bigger, it would probably be alright for now.

So, I’m keeping an eye on it and also wearing other jackets sometimes, saving this very special treasured one so it lasts as long as possible. And the nice lady, Samantha, at Superior said to go ahead and wear it! Not to be afraid. Just like she told me when I brought it to her last spring, so heartbroken, how kindly she told me that I “hadn’t done anything wrong”.

Anyway, I broke out my old 3/4 length black overcoat. Remember it, little sweetheart? The Calvin Klein one? It’s rather lightweight with a zip-in lining you can use when it gets colder and I used to wear it all the time before you got me the beautiful leather jacket. There’s tons of pictures of you and I together where I’m wearing it, including most all of the ones on our trip to Ireland.

Tonight, I was walking to D’Agostino’s with it on and when I reached into the left pocket I felt something - it was one of the pens, a black one, that I got when we stopped into a store outside Bantry during our Irish adventure. It had been in there since then!

It was raining out, tonight, so I also was wearing my black boots. I had such a sense memory of being in our neighborhood in San Francisco, of being in the Inner Sunset, because this coat, with a hoodie, and those boots were what I wore almost every day there striding up and down the hills just south of Golden Gate Park with you or dashing out to pick up something for us at the deli or Roxie’s or Crepevine of an evening before coming home to your warm, waiting, loving arms. What a lovely feeling it was! As if I could almost touch our life!
How I miss and love you, my little sweetheart. Please be near me today, won’t you? And take me to you the moment heaven will allow. With all my love forever.