Friday, May 6, 2016

Our Music

Little sweetheart, the new Radiohead record is coming out on Sunday. I've heard the first two tracks and the second of them especially is very good. It was one of the first things we discovered we both liked, wasn't it, my darling. And they were from Oxford, where you went to school. Even came into the pub one time you told me, and you didn't recognize them and asked someone. "hey, what's their deal?". Ha! Remember how "In Rainbows" had just come out when we first met? That seemed to be a thing - albums that came out by bands we liked and in a few years and it seemed it was time for the next album. 2011 was like that. It seemed time for a new Low album and a new DCfC album. And a new Radiohead album. And "King of Limbs" came out like that, in those last weeks while you and I were in rehearsals in 2011 - how I first heard about it and texted you and downloaded it while you were driving home and we listened to it together. It was so beautiful and epic and sad and came to be very much associated with that time, then, of your tragic passing, because I had it on in the car driving everywhere, doing everything, aching for you. You once told me - I remember this so clearly, we were driving on Judah on our way to Adronico's, listening to "Narrow Stairs" - you were talking about what should be played at your funereal and that you wanted me to speak (you were so unafraid to talk about these kind of things) and I said that I could never listen to our music again if you were to die before me. And you reached over smiling and held my hand and told me to listen and to remember you. And I cried and cried and cried. And tried to keep driving. And you were right there at my side holding my hand in yours and there was no need to cry yet. Not really. I miss you so. I'll try to listen to this all this weekend when it comes out, my little sweetheart. And if it's true that records come out when they're supposed to, that they mark some kind of invisible demarcation line in our life and times, I'll hope, I'll be praying, that it means I'm only getting ever closer to you and that day when we will be reunited, never to ever part again. With all my love, Summer. With all my love forever.

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